I've been doing a bit of research into my personality type today and I learned some interesting things about myself. Obviously, I know that these tests aren't massively accurate. I've taken this particular test four or five times in the last 3 years and have been given a few different answers. This time, however, I was assigned the type "The Advocate" (or INFJ-T). I'll give you the summary that the website gives of this personality type to have a read before I go into too much detail:
"The Advocate personality type is very rare, making up less than one percent of the population, but they nonetheless leave their mark on the world. As members of the Diplomat Role group, Advocates have an inborn sense of idealism and morality, but what sets them apart is that they are not idle dreamers, but people capable of taking concrete steps to realize their goals and make a lasting positive impact." (Source)
Although I am very flattered to be considered "very rare", a lot of what I'm reading here doesn't immediately spring to mind when I consider myself. So, naturally, I read on. Beyond some generic looking descriptions of introverted people, the description of me doesn't seem to be getting to the belly of my personality. That is until I reach the section titled "Live to Fight Another Day". This part talks a lot about being over-empathetic and the notion of emotional burnout, which is something I relate to strongly at the moment.
There are a lot of people in my life right now who are going through really, really tough stuff. Some of the people I love the most in the world are at the darkest times in their lives many of them look to me for counsel and support. Don't get me wrong, I love knowing that people believe I can help and they feel safe coming to me with their issues and I would never dream of turning anyone away. That being said, my overactive empathy is so physically and emotionally draining that I find myself collapsing into bed at 3am, when all of my loved ones are finally soothed and asleep and just weeping. I don't blame anyone around me for the sadness I am feeling at the moment because I know that it is just a culmination of all of my empathy rolled up into one big bowl of sad, but that combined with my physical health being continually poopoo leaves me feeling constantly drained. I never feel like I can provide the support I want to to all of my friends and family which just leads me to get more upset and emotional. Once again, ya girl is in a spiral.
I'm not eating much at the moment and the little sleep I do get is often interrupted so I can only apologize to those of you around me who may receive the backlash. I hate to be that dramatic bitch, but the metaphor is good; my soul feels like a bra you've had for 6 years, clinging on by one hook and straining under the pressure of all my emotional boob baggage. Enjoy that image.
