Yesterday marked a momentous day in the lives of many of the people in my life. As an 18 year old, fresh out of school, the last thing we hold on to from our establishments are hopes of good exam results. Some come out happy, surprised by their own efforts. Those of us who are less fortunate, come out disappointed.

Those of you who know me well probably recognize my self determination. I believe it will be my downfall. I often find myself disappointed in my inability to obtain targets I set myself and I'm constantly told that I'm too hard on myself. Essentially I am my own pushy parent. You see those Asian parents, driving their kids into an early grave over academic success or the crazy pageant moms on American TV shows that go mad when their kids give up on something. That's me. For myself.

So, as you can imagine, when it came to my A-levels, I set myself crazy unrealistic goals and pushed myself beyond breaking point to achieve them. Now, when you're at school and you appear to be relatively above average, you find yourself surrounded by those of similar or greater intelligence than yourself. Now, there's a specific competitiveness that goes had in hand with intellect and, as one who strives for a superior intellect, I often find myself engaging in countless wars of wills. 

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the smartest person I know and I can also admit that these people who's knowledge is leagues above my own fill me with envy. It's not that I hate seeing people succeed, it's just that my inner dance-mom comes out and asks me why I can't be the one winning that English prize or gold diploma for the maths competition or why I didn't get picked by the chemistry teacher to participate in the Olympiad.

So flash forward to yesterday morning. 8am (I'm two hours ahead of the UK at the moment) and I'm logging in to get my results. My parents had been telling me over and over again that it didn't matter what I got, they were proud of me and I had tried my hardest. I hadn't really absorbed any of these statements because they just didn't seem to have any effect on me. It didn't matter to me that I had worked the hardest or that I should still be proud of whatever I got. I wanted good grades.

I can't really complain about what I got. The grades are good. Better than average and better than I got last year. But, because I set myself unrealistic goals, I still felt disappointed when that page loaded and the letters weren't what I had hoped for. I had no-one to blame but myself. I couldn't blame bad teaching or lack of effort any more. I had put in a solid shift over the year and the grades I got reflect the grades I should have got.

All except one. Now, I like to think of myself as above average at writing. I wouldn't be writing a blog, pursuing a career in literature and avidly reading any book that's thrown my way if I wasn't. My English grade just didn't seem to reflect my competence and understanding of the texts we studied. All of my teachers had ranked me among the highest achieving in the year group and the quiet whispers of an A* echoed around in conversations with them. Put it this way, there was no A* to be seen come results day.

I'm not petty. There's no point getting upset over it. What's been done has been done and all I can do now is accept the grade. If I can give any advice to those of you out there going through exams and results, it's this:

1. Work damn hard. Nothing's handed to you on a plate. If you want to get something or go somewhere, you have to put in the effort. There's no-one out there to hold your hand and guide you step by step through life.
2. Set realistic goals. Take it from someone who didn't. I'm not saying set no goals, just ones that you can actually achieve. The worst feeling in the world is bitter disappointment in yourself. 
3. Be happy, no matter the results.There's no point dwelling on what could've been. Getting upset about a bad result won't make it any better. Move past it, get on with your life and one day, when you're 80, you'll realise that a C in AS physics actually means fuck all and there really was no point crying at the time.