I don't know how many times we hear of people who do things like this and just giving up. Hell, I've given up and abandoned this blog more times than I care to admit.

I also know that I've said numerous times that I was "definitely sticking to it this time" and that "I really wanted to make this legit"

But a lot has changed in my life since 18th February.

I'm sure all will be explained in the near future but, until then, I'm just gonna get right back into it. I told you I started doing two things this year. In the good old British fashion, I've failed my New Year's resolutions. I stopped writing lists because it had gotten to the point where I was setting myself unrealistic targets that just caused me to be even more upset every day. I'd lie in bed looking at the lists and hating myself for having a page full of failure in front of me day in, day out. So the lists stopped. Unfortunately, however, so did the productivity. I was caught in a Catch 22 where I wasn't writing lists because they upset me but, without writing the lists I was upset by my lack of actually doing anything.

I've been through some weird times over the past 5 years. I've struggled through depression, puberty and heartbreak without telling a soul. So, in my typical silent manner, I suffered through this period of emptiness too. I could feel exams creeping up on me but all it seemed to do was scare me. All my friends started revision, I stopped seeing my boyfriend (yes, I have one of those now) so much as exams started and I knew I had to get my act together. It was the final push before I was done with school but nothing in me was pushing. I felt like some cosmic bastard had pulled the brakes.

This was when the writing stopped as well. I told myself it was time I could have spent studying but the truth was that I was being lazy. Everything else in my life was teetering off. I had lost one of my best friends with no explanation, I had spent the last 4 months being rejected by the same boy over and over again. I felt worthless and, on top of that, I was failing one of my subjects. I didn't see any positives in my life and pessimism was sinking me further and further into the hole I'd find myself in.

I'd love to tell you about the great epiphany I had. Or the knight in shining armour that swooped me up and showed me the wonders of the world but the truth is, I don't really know what happened. All of a sudden, I was starting to look forward again. I got stuck into exams, spent all the time I could with my friends before they all left me for uni and now I've come out the other side of high-school with an amazing boy, unforgettable memories with incredible friends and hopefully half decent grades. Well done me.

I'm not just writing about how amazing my life is to make you hate me or make you jealous or whatever. I've discovered the power of self-motivation. Nobody saved me but me. It wasn't until I decided I wanted to do something that it got done. I know it's cliché and you're not likely to believe me until you experience it yourself but you have to go out there and get what you want. The world is a tough place and you can't sit at home and get pissed off about your situation. Nothing's going to change if you curl up into a ball under the duvet and cry about how shit everything is.

I'm supposed to be writing a review today but I think I can twist this into one. My school career: yeah it's been mostly shit. I've been to 8 schools in 13 years and most of my life I haven't felt like I fit in. But looking back on the last 5 years, I can honestly say that I've made some of the best friends I could have. I'm so grateful for the opportunities I've been given and I can't thank my friends enough for putting up with the absolute nonsense that I say and do.