I am a very negative person. The past 18 years of my life have been filled with pessimism and regret. I would always look for the worst in situations and people and it got me down. This year, I've set a 'resolution' of sorts to be more positive. I didn't make plans because I always told myself that I wouldn't stick to them. That's the reason I gave up on writing and acting and music and blah blah blah... I knew there was always going to be someone better so I just gave up.

Then I realised that if everyone felt the way I did, there would be no happiness. Nobody would strive to achieve success for fear of failure and we would all live in a mundane, grey world where nobody tried to do anything. This year I've started doing two things:

1. Writing lists. Sure, it's just words on paper but, as an English student, they mean so much more than that. It's a written promise to myself that I will do said things. Just 5 or 6 things each day, ranging from tidying my damn room (rarely makes it on to the list for obvious reasons) to simply reading a few pages of a book (sadly one of the few things I end up not doing). Sometimes I get stuck in a rut where I feel like I have nothing to do and I haven't done anything useful in days and I'm just a giant conglomeration of meh that doesn't contribute to society in any way. Flicking back through the pages and seeing the ticks next to even remedial tasks reminds me that, even though every day might not be the most memorable day of your life, every day is worth living. Labelling yourself as worthless is like smashing up your car with a baseball bat because it won't start. It's not worth it, it makes it worse and it doesn't fix the problem. Feeling useful encourages you to BE useful.

2. Writing every single day. This year is arguably the most important year of my life so far. I have a lot of things to balance and, over the years, I've sacrificed the things I enjoy so I can make space for the things I deem necessary. Seeing people around me able to do both encouraged me not to give up on the things I love. I've got a lovely new little notebook that sits beside my bed that I make myself write something in every single day. It started off as somewhere for me to write down memories, good and bad but it's since morphed in to a sort of outlet for the exploration and transformation of my outlook on life. Not every day is interesting and not every day is even worth writing. But dedicating even 15 minutes before bed to something that I see of worth makes every day a little easier. It's not a diary. I never just say what happened that day or how someone made me feel. It's more about exploring what's inside my own head, letting things I didn't even know I thought out. I am my most creative at like 2am and that's when I end up writing it. It's not poetry, but it's words that I could be not writing.